Monday, July 11, 2005

Which witch is which? (a retro-post)

In honor of Omarosa's return to the spotlight, I will post this little piece I wrote back last year when both of these remarkable and heroic black women were in the headlines in the same week. Some of the details have changed, but it's still pretty funny.

"Dude, can you believe they brought back that black chick on 'The Apprentice'! What's her name? Condorosa?"

"No, silly, that's Omaleezza! Condorosa Rice, she's the Secretary of Defense. Didn't you see her testifying before the 9-11 Commission? I watched all eight hours. You should watch more C-SPAN and less 'reality TV,' man."

"Jeez ... all those black names sound alike to me."

It's not often that white America has to deal with two quadrisyllabically named black women in the national headlines simultaneously. To help distinguish between Omarosa and Condoleezza, I've compiled this handy table.

Very scary to date Secretary of state
Vexed, irrational insecurity geyser Ex-national security advisor
Needs course in interpersonal relations Needs course in international relations
Huge gap in social skills Huge gap in teeth
Sounds like "Ponderosa" Sounds like "condo leaser"
Oversized chip on shoulder Oversized head on shoulders
Reinforces image of successful black women as angry, loud, and rude Reinforces image of successful black women as incompetent token hires
Blames problems on racists Blames problems on terrorists
Lies to save ass Lies to save Bush
Blood that boils Blood for oil

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